The Night Before School

As I woke up this morning, I could already feel the waves of nerves wash over me.  The feeling of anxiety over Summer ending and a new school year beginning can be overwhelming. And I know that around the country other fellow teachers are experiencing the same feelings.

What will my students be like?

Will they be excited to be there?

Are their parents supportive?

Will they like me?

 Have I completed everything off my never-ending "to do" list?  Well...have I done everything to get us through Monday?  Just get yourself through Monday...

And the one question that keeps playing over and over in my mind...

Will you be able to stay "you" this year?

Will I be able to say no?  I've already taken on enough.

Will I be able to tell myself that I'm doing the very best job I can do?

Am I going to be able to maintain being a loving wife, caring daughter & good friend?  

You see, I worked so hard to find that person this Summer.  During the school year, so many of us teachers lose ourselves to our classroom and communities.  We give so much everyday to our students that we return home (late & tired) with little left to give to our families & friends, and we most definitely don't have anything left for ourselves.  

We tell ourselves that we will survive the school year and recuperate during our Summer break.   That's what makes starting a new school year so bittersweet.  We know what's coming.  It's like preparing for a hurricane...you know the storm's coming, you've been prepping for the damage, but there's really nothing you can do because it's still going to hit.

So today, after waking up with nerves & anxiety, I want to focus on how amazing this Summer was rather than focus on the incoming storm.

•  I am so incredibly thankful for the invaluable time I got to spend with Husband.  Our schedules are so different during the school year that we rarely get to spend quality time together.  You have to seize the time to spend with your loved ones and really make the best of it.
• The house is clean!  The laundry is all done!  I was able to focus on getting the house in a state that makes me feel relaxed and happy.
• My best friend and her awesome hubby came to visit for a few days!  It's been over 10 years since I lived in Atlanta, but I still miss the ability to call her up, ask what she's doing, and pick her up to run mundane errands.  Giggle fits with her are the best.
• I was able to get crafty again!  Hello, blog!  I've missed painting so much.  I'm no longer going to use the excuse of not having a space in our house to get messy.  
• We had so many awesome times with family this Summer!  Pool days, beach days, dinner dates, drink nights...Being able to connect with family and feel relaxed inside has been wonderful.
• Going to sleep at night without the ball of anxiety that always finds a home in my stomach during the school year.  I'm determined to not give that ball of anxiety any power this year.
• Had surgery on my tailbone...and wish I could say I'm fully recovered, but I'm getting there.
• Experienced being extremely sick at the same time as Husband.  Learning experience?
• I got to travel to my favorite place in this world (my Utopia) with my very favorite person and spend time with our friend who is one of the best people I know.  
• I snorkeled with a sea turtle.
• I hiked the jungle barefoot in the mud to a waterfall.
• I fell face first into the water at the waterfall.  (Miss Grace)
• Drove with the top down to North Shore with 2 of my favorite dudes.
• I balanced on a surfboard (short board) (big feat) in the waves of Waikiki Beach.
• Scraped my leg (still healing!) when I fell into a coral hole in the water at the world's prettiest beach...Lanikai.  
• Came narrowly close to touching a man of war...
• Can still close my eyes & see Friend's face and hear Friend's laughter as he told me underwater not to touch the sea turtle.  What if it swam into my finger?!  Wouldn't be my fault...
• Witnessed a rainbow from above.
• Felt an earthquake on the balcony of the 37th floor in Waikiki.

I can end this Summer knowing that not only did I reconnect with my husband & marriage, but I was able to rediscover myself.  I found the person I lost last year.  I found that glow so many of us lose (not just teachers) & that laughter that can't be forced.

As I start this new school year with new students that I hope I can make a positive impact on, I am promising to myself (no one else) that I will not lose this glow, this laughter or this person.  Everyone benefits from this promise.  

Thank a Teacher

We write our eulogy every day.  What would yours say?

I hope mine says she gave everything every day & lived every day like it was her last.

Mahalo,

Juliana

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